Everyone has a story. Mine wasn’t an easy one. Self love didn’t come easy for me.It is something I have had to work on all my life. I still have to continuously work on it.
As a kid…
I grew up in a poor home and had an extremely abusive father who was an alcoholic. He was violent and he had a lot of issues with anger. I use to hide in my closet from my father. The things went from bad to worse. My father was convicted when I was thirteen years old as a pedophile. He hurt a lot of little girls. It was all over TV and I lived in a small town.
I struggled with anorexia and bulimia. School was a challenge because I didn’t find out I was dyslexic until I was an adult. In many ways growing up was not easy. I had my flaws.
I learned at a very young age never to depend on anyone. I grew up really fast. I didn’t have much of a childhood. I have always had to be responsible. It was the only way I could survive what I did.
My mom didn’t really work at the time so she ended up with guys who would take care of her. It unfortunately left us at everyone’s mercy. My step-dad didn’t much care for another man’s kids. So we got treated anyway in the world. So I got out by joining the United States Marine Corps.
As an adult……
I do not want to talk about my time in the military. Some things you just can’t talk about.
I ended up in an extremely abusive marriage. It took everything from me. It was physically horrifying and emotionally exhausting. I had no idea what a healthy relationship was. I sacrificed everything to get away from him. I even had to wait for my contract to end in the military and flee to a battered woman’s shelter. If you are with someone and your life is getting worse and their life is getting better then something is wrong. That marriage caused my to miscarry because of how violent my husband at the time was.
I had to start over with nothing…….
In 2011 I got divorced.
I ended up going to a counselor, social worker, and psychiatrist right after because my PTSD and after effects of my relationship was lasting. I had to figure out who I was again and I had to learn to love myself.
My road was not an easy one but I did it…….I continue to do it each and every day.
I spent lots of time with myself and figuring out what I wanted. I came up with goals. I lost weight. I got my college degree and a great job. I focused on my looks and loved my looks. I started making friends and going out to enjoy myself. I spent time with my kids. I figured out what I loved to do and I spent time doing it.
My step dad made it his mission to make me misserable.
I cleaned toxic people out of my life……This meant my family. I had a lot of dysfunctional people in my family. After my mom passed I walked away from those people and decided to start over.
I filed for bankruptcy in 2014 because of all the debt that was put in my name from my former marriage. Then I worked hard on my credit so I could buy a house one day.
In 2020 I am a teacher and confidence coach. I own my house. I know what I deserve and my value. I love myself and work on myself all the time. I accept my flaws and celebrate my strengths. I don’t need anyone else to be happy. I don’t obsess over the things I can’t change. I don’t focus on the people who have wronged me. I live my life to the fullest. My past was just part of my journey. My mistakes are the lessons I have learned that I am taking with me. I am happy with myself.
I found myself…..This is not the end of my story but just the beginning of another wonderful adventure.
“I lost myself because of the world and found myself when all I had left was me.” – Jeanette Huston