We all have experienced this at some point in our lives. The pain can be excruciating. Many times it is completely out of our hands. Heartbreak teaches us many lessons such as who is meant to be in our lives. It makes us stronger. It helps us let go and gives us time to mourn a situation or relationship so we can move on. It assists us in freeing our time to really get to know ourselves and focus on our selves. Drives us to find our self worth and forgive ourselves of our failures as well as imperfections.
Last year and part of this year I experienced a significant heartbreak. I met a guy I ended up really caring about online. He was working here in Odessa in the oilfield. Some people don’t believe you can develop feeling for someone through text or over the phone. I believe you can. Especially if you text them all the time for months and talk to them on the phone. You both share many things, conversations, and after a while you do become closer. I enjoyed all the “good morning beautiful,” he sent me in the mornings. I didn’t rush to meet him. But I ended up really liking him. He was not my normal. Everyone has a type but he was not not mine. I still really wanted to be with him and was hoping that was where we were going. I was wrong.
He told me his past girlfriend passed away and he hadn’t been in a relationship for five years. He said he didn’t want to be in relationship right off the bat. He told me he wanted to go with the flow. He said whatever happens, happens. He used his old girlfriends death as a reason to treat me horribly. I tried to understand the situation as I have had someone important pass away. The truth was he wanted a relationship but just not with me. He gave another girl the girlfriend title he had been seeing back home the whole time. He didn’t tell me about her at first. When he finally told me about her he wasn’t really completely honest about the situation. He went back and forth, coming back to me for a moment and then leaving. I did meet him and I saw him a few times. I always did whatever he wanted. Not what I wanted. I broke me own heart for staying in the game with a guy who never really wanted to be with me. He just loved the attention I gave him.
It is so hard to go from talking to someone all the time to never talking to them at all. It’s like going cold turkey on anything you love doing. Its also hard not to compare yourself to the person that was chosen over you. It really makes you question yourself and even compare yourself to that person. You allow yourself to go to a dark place and even feel less than. He obviously felt she was better than me. He valued her more than me. He never actually cared or liked me. I have come to terms with this reality. i have accepted this. This is not about me but more so him. I had to accept all this to move on. Holding on to false hope is the same as hurting yourself.
I was honest with him about my feelings. I told him I respected all his choices and I wanted him to be happy. Then I did nothing because there was nothing I could do. You can’t make someone choose you or like you. If you care about someone you will respect what they want. If you care about yourself then you won’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Weeks later he did contact me to let me know he was moving home back to her seven hours away. I tried acting happy for him and congratulating him. I thanked him for telling me. That was it! I knew that moment he was gone forever. After texting him, I did cry for a little bit for someone I was not technically in a relationship with. He did leave. Then I accepted it and moved on because that was all I could do.
I was the only one who ended up hurt. The reality is that this was all my fault. I could have handled it differently and should have. The moment someone tells you to just go with the flow, run. That is a sign they are just not wanting a relationship with you. Love yourself more and know your self worth. People like that will never see you. That is why you have to see yourself.
I am in a better place today. I focused on self love and self care. I allowed myself to hurt and move past the pain. I hurt less today and I am even talking to someone new. I am in a happier place. I have gained so much in this and from acceptance. I am focusing on who I am rather than who everyone else is. I am working on the things I can change instead of the things I cannot. The only person who can make me miserable and unhappy is me.
I know this is hard to hear. You can’t fight for a situationship or relationship when the other person does not want to be with you or you are the only one fighting. A ton of text messages or chasing a person won’t bring them back. If they wanted to be with you then you wouldn’t have to chase them. In fact that will just push them away and make them resent you. Also all those bring your ex programs that charge you money for results don’t give you the full picture. I have actually used a few of these programs in the past. Save your money and spend it on yourself. The truth is a person won’t come back unless they want to come back. No text message will make someone come back to you. No contact does give you both the distance you need and will help you move on but it won’t bring someone back to you either. The truth is we all have free will. If a person comes back it is going to be because it is there choice. Not because of tactic used to manipulate someone to come back.
The best thing to do when faced with heartbreak or an ending to any type of relationship is to be honest about your feelings and do nothing. The rest is up to them. Respect their choices and their space. They might not come back but it’s better to respect yourself then be the crazy person who can’t let go. Its better to accept the reality of the situation and move on then torture yourself trying to fix something out of your control. You have to move on. If they eventually come back then figure things out then. That is their choice. Not yours. If the wanted to be with you then they would be with you. You can only focus on yourself and your happiness. Feel the pain. Learn from the lessons. Have acceptance and forgiveness. Allow yourself to miss them. Focus on yourself. In time the pain will get better and you will stop missing them until you stop thinking about them all together. Try looking at is it like this “You lost someone who didn’t didn’t want to be with you. They lost someone who truly cared about them.” Who really lost out???
Seven ways to get over heartbreak.
- Feel the feelings and mourn the relationship so you can move past the heartbreak.
- Cut off all communication with the person that hurt your. Don’t look at their social media. Don’t look at the person they are dating. Don’t talk about them to others or ask about what they are doing. If you have to block them then block them. Out of sight means eventually they will be out of your mind.
- Get the energy out by working out or taking on a hobby. This will also keep you busy and focused on doing things you enjoy as well as focused on self care.
- Forgive the other person and yourself so you don’t have to focus on all hurt. Sometimes you have to accept that you don’t get the “I’m sorry,” or even a “why.” Sometimes you just have to let the situation go to free yourself from constantly thinking about it.
- Be honest with yourself about the reality of the situation and relationship. False hopes and ideas are more painful in the long run then just accepting the truth.
- Fox yourself up and take yourself out. Treating yourself is important. You deserve the love your giving to someone else. You deserve your time and attention. You deserve to shine.
- Make dating friends. Go on dates and talk to other people. I am not saying rush into a relationship. Go out, have fun, and meet other people. Dip your feet in the water. Everyone deserves a little fun and to put everything out of their head.
Fifteen lessons you will learn through heartbreak.
- You will find out who your true friends are.
- Listen to what your body needs such as feeling the emotions.
- Get clarity on your goals and what you want.
- You will appreciate your money more.
- You will know what you want and don’t want in relationships.
- Others will learn from you.
- You will become more independent.
- You will find your playlist of songs to help heal you through the pain.
- You will accept your flaws and forgive your mistakes.
- You will learn to have a more positive reaction toward stress.
- You will understand healthy love.
- You will appreciate furry friends and pets.
- You will open yourself to traveling and new experiences.
- You will appreciate good memories.
“The emotion that can break your heart is sometimes the very one that heals it…”
― Nicholas Sparks, At First Sight